It's been long...

It's been a long time since I last wrote and for good reason. I just couldn't put into words what I was going through. I was communicating with pbmom (possible birthmom)nearly everyday through text messages. We were getting to know one another and her likes/dislikes and vice versa. I wanted to know things so I could share them with our pdaughter (possible daughter). September was tough she was in and out of the hospital/dr. with kidney stones.

Beginning of October we took her and her 16yo daughter out for dinner and it was great! She told us pbdad couldn't come because he was tired from work (they aren't together but communicate often b/c they share a 2yo and 9yo). So the next day my husband texted him that we were sorry he couldn't make it. He texted back that he had no idea what we were talking about and that pbmom never told him. FULL EFFECT DRAMA STARTS HERE...

He was helping her with rent, cell phone, and utilities and b/c of this lie he took it all away (yes I am very sure there is more to the story we were never tapped in on). She called me saying he was verbally abusing her now too and back on drugs, something she never wanted us to know and that he had been in prison and then later in jail for part of October. She would vent to me and was leading on that she wanted us to help her with money, but not directly. SW (social worker) asked if we were able to help her with November rent (not saying we had to), we said we didn't have $500 laying around. She responded to SW, "I thought they had money" SW tried to explain that financially we were quite stable, but preparing for baby and adoption costs, its not that easy. We ended up helping with a couple hundred so her and her children didn't end up in Shelter Care.

The story goes on and on and I will spare all the details, but she continued to text eachday and I was supportive. The thing that was a HUGE redflag is she wouldn't attend any of her appts with the SW/counselor. She wasn't getting any counseling to help address if the adoption was the right choice for her, process upcoming grief, ect... I then was getting texts that she had her mind set, but was really struggling. Everytime I suggest she contact SW/counselor she would change the subject.

We ended up giving her more money to help with apt security deposit that she needed b/c she was approved for housing-she said she would pay us back (we weren't that naive). The apt never approved her so she never used the check b/c we made it out to them. This was one week before the birth. She was also struggling with gestational diabetes and was to be induced Nov 29th. Day of Thanksgiving morning my husband receives a text from pbdad that she thought she may go into labor that day (she said this a lot throughout Nov). He also said she wanted to talk about the transfer b/c she didn't want dr. knowing she was placing-RED FLAG. They never called us and we previously knew that she didn't want us in the hopital. My husband turned on the phone in the a.m. to two pictures of a baby.

She called us Friday night and shared the details of the birth and how she feels fine at times about the adoption but had her moments. I validated her feelings and she asked, "So do we call Kimberly(sw)?" and I told her Iv'e been communicating with both our sw and Kimberly-both work together from the agency. So she said that was fine and would call me in the morning. Kimberly called me the following morning and said she talked to pbmom and said she was waivering and that family was putting pressure on her to place. Pbmom said she was being discharged that day and baby the next due to some jaundice. Kimberly encouraged her to go home get rest and stay away from the family drama. Since her facebook page is public I see the drama from the family and it was clearly insinuating that she was keeping the baby and that they felt she was being unfair to her other children and irresponsible. The next day Kimberly informs me that she found out via text that she took the baby home the same day she went home and was going to trying parenting for the week.

We were crushed! So sad and so so angry that she hadn't been more honest with us. It was the oddest grief I've ever experienced and on top of it brought all my infertility grief back to surface. My "strong husband" that was trying to be so positive and supportive of me was found in the nursery with folding baby socks saying, "I want to be a daddy so bad!" We finally were on the same page and gave me permission to take care him too. It has brought us that much closer!

Needless to say pbmom continues to drag this out. She now told Kimberly she wants the baby through the holidays so pbdad's dad can meet her in Michigan (not sure how they are getting there since both don't have a driver's license). Kimberly said if they are serious about placing then should meet with attorney before to sign court petition papers and she said she would let Kimberly know about that thsi week. Believe me, we are not holding our breath and we in our minds/hearts have been moving on. Weeks ago we told them to put our Birthmom Letters out into circulation. We have also as of Friday been asked if we would be interested in a pbirthmom who gave birth end of October and decided to parent and then decided she couldn't and gave baby to pbdad. She has found out the pbirthdad is going to be kicked out by his mom and has part-time job (both 19yo). They are placing the baby in Bridge Care (temp-foster home). If she chooses us we are able to be with baby as much as we want at the Bridge Care home, which is nearby. And then hopes in about a month would be placed with us.

Many of our friends and family got excited over this news. Frankly, they were sick of #1Pbmom drama and didn't want that for us. Truth is, this is nice to have an opportunity to take our mind off of #1, but can't give our hopes up because we know how this can work. Family, friends, co-workers, agency workers, and God-we could never ever do this without any of that, they have been beyond amazing. This journey if FREAKING CRAZY and at the end of the day all we still really really want is to be a mom and dad and hope hope hope it is sooner than later, we are BEYOND ready!