Yesterday morning I had 3 missed calls from our social worker (her ring tone is Justin Bieber's Baby Baby LOL!!!-if you can think of a better one let me know-but must admit catchy!). I had two vague voicemails to just call her back. I called back and was sent to her voicemail, UGH! Five minute later I hear Baby Baby ohhhhh! It was Val and she was excited to inform us that a birhtmom has our portfolio and really likes us and that tomorrow she will be viewing two others. The possible birthmom's background is promising and almost too good to be true. Isn't this all great!?
Well...I always use to be so optimistic and positive until infertility and the uncertaintity of adoption process entered my life. I would typically keep this news between my husband and I because I have learned to put up this safeguard for myself. I am by nature uber emotional and a heart that sucks in more than it can hold somedays. We have had cases before this one where it was down to us and others and my heart fell apart when I got the news that we weren't chosen (the feeling not much different than all my years of negative pregnancy tests). But because of the way this one was presented to us by the social worker I figured I could request prayers and from our non-religious supporters, good vibes; all in hopes that this will be the one.
I still have that safeguard up. I play the phone call in my head, "She has decided to go with one of the other families", just so I can prepare so it doesn't hurt quite as much. But I just said to myself in July (the only quiet month we've had since we started the adoption process), "August is going to be the month!" We are so ready for this, so so ready. Please let us connect with this birhtmom and something in that portfolio reach out to her and her heart. You would think I would think about the baby in all of this. But I continue to focus on her and how hard this is and how amazing she is. Even if she doesn't pick us I love her for her unselfish heart and that she saw something in us to hold onto that portfolio. Please God, let this be the beginning for us, please...
Kristi, I really hope this is the one for you!If it's not then it just might not be the right one. I don't mean to sound cliche, but I think things all happen for a reason. Reasons we may not like and may never find the answers to. You definitely deserve to have this happen for you and I really believe it will. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I think it's okay to feel excited. It would be hard not to be. Thanks for sharing. I will be praying that this is the one! Hang in there!
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