As we are presented another opportunity, my emotions become strong and hard again. A sweet little angel born at 30 weeks is lying in a NICU surviving strong as we speak. Her parents have requested to look at our portfolio along with 4 other couples. Without sounding negative, this is too hard to even believe it could be us. I have to prepare myself for the "Sorry Kristi, they have gone with another family". The "it's not fair light" is in full effect. It's hard to hear that the our previous disrupted adoption: the mom is really struggling to parent the child she choose to keep, along with her other children. We would have given her so much and on top of that a continued relationship with that mom and baby's siblings.
I am trying to be strong, but the tears that surprisingly took a nice break are back and I just have to let them flow! And I have have to use my outlets which are my writings,venting and using my cherished supports. I may be a therapist, but remember, an oncologist doesn't administer his/her own chemo...I am only human just yearning to be a mommy!
Hope: The Experience
They wrap me with
“It will happen(s)”
“You deserve(s)’
But the squeeze
It’s not tight enough, within…
The only hope I bear
are through tears
and through prayers
I know
A mother I will be
Continuing…
To cherish my husband as
We yearn to breathe in
A mother
A father
You
All three
HOPE
I need you not to stand as a word
But as an experience
Deep
Deep
Within
Born at 30 weeks- that is when Mikyle was born- you would be amazing parents to that special little person- as premies require special Mommys and Daddys and that is exactly what you two will be. I will be praying for you- that this time they make the right choice- what is best for that special little person!!
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