Christmas is so bittersweet for me this year. The last few years have been so hard because I kept saying to myself, "well I am sure I will be pregnant or with child for next Christmas" and then disappointed year after year. This year I am not pregnant AGAIN, but we now have new direction with our journey into adoption and that is such a great feeling. I still feel that sufferage of disappointment that I don't have a cute belly or have ultrasounds to share with family and friends. And once again its a year of friends and family members sharing theirs with me(jealousy can eat one up and has been my biggest struggle through all of this).
This Christmas I do get to share our news of adopting with family and that is exciting. I am though overwhelmed with our first pile of paperwork needs to be complete in 3 weeks before we start our Adoption Education classes. Seems like the holidays have shaved off that extra time for us to get started on that. Also have to start making our Family Scrapbook that will be presented to Birthmoms that may choose our resumes(*gosh, just writing this overwhelms me)! But I know I will get all I need done and my little sister has offered to help me with the scrapbook, bless her heart.
This Christmas will be different than the past three in that I won't feel hopeless and pained. I know that things are getting better because, I had no problem with my mom saying we were going to the Children's Christmas Service this year. In the past I would have avoided it. I can only hope this year only gets better and better. I would have to agree with the cliche "all of this will make you stronger" because I do feel stronger than ever and ready to be a mommy more than ever!!! Again, I thank my family and friends for the ongoing support and words of compassion you offer and provide me, I am truly blessed!
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